


His Voice

by isobel__smy



Series: Voices [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, Background Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Background Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood, Camille Belcourt Being An Asshole, Emotional, Hurt Magnus Bane, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Magnus Bane Deserves Nice Things, Manipulative Camille Belcourt, POV Alec Lightwood, add on fic, go check out my other fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2017-11-14
Packaged: 2019-02-01 21:42:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12713502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/isobel__smy/pseuds/isobel__smy
Summary: Alec had been having a nice, lazy morning with his siblings. And then his phone rang.And his world came tumbling down(Alec's POV for Chapter 15)*This is an extra chapter for my ongoing fanfiction 'Your Voice' and therefore probably will make more sense if you go check that out first*





	His Voice

“Pass the butter?” Izzy said, reaching out her arm towards him. Alec quickly passed the butter, still with his own piece of toast unbuttered. Really, he needed to stop being so nice. It was his house- well, his and Jace’s- so he should be able to butter his toast first. Not that he actually minded. He was having a lazy morning with his siblings. Nothing could be better. 

 

There was a slight tugging at his heart, telling him he should be going into work. People didn’t stop needed help, so Alec shouldn’t stop helping people. Taking a break was selfish. 

 

But it wasn’t really that. Alec could lie to himself as much as he wanted, but he’d taken days off before. It wasn’t the general ‘people’ he was worried about, it was a person. Magnus. The man he’d been talking to for weeks now. The amazingly strong, kind, courageous man to whom life had just… been so cruel. What if he needed help and Alec wasn’t there?

 

“Hey, Alec?” Izzy’s voice filtered back into his ears, and Alec felt himself snap back into the present. His sister was holding out the butter again, a small smirk playing on her lips. “A little distracted, aren’t we?” Rolling his eyes, Alec took the butter back. “Any particular reason?”

 

“Tired,” Alec lied, looking pointedly down at his toast. 

 

“False!” Jace piped up, mouth full of cereal. He was apparently trying a new diet to increase his muscle size. (Nothing to do with the new ginger girl he’d found, if you asked him.) Therefore, no toast for Jace. “I know that’s a lie! Jace Lightwood knows your tell, brother.”

 

At that moment, Alec realized that he didn’t mind. He did not mind that Jace called him brother. Alec wasn’t sure when it had changed, but now when he looked at Jace’s blonde hair and different coloured eyes… he saw his best friend. Not someone he had a crush on. Which meant he suddenly felt completely off guard and said without thinking, “Yeah, well…”

 

“Is it a guy?” Izzy asked, looking at him curiously. “Is there a guy at your work?”

 

Alec wasn’t about to tell everyone about Magnus’ life story. That would be unprofessional, and also a complete violation of Magnus’ relationship with Alec. He didn’t want to betray the man in such a horrific way. But that didn’t mean he could tell Izzy the kind of truth. “Yeah,” he said, taking a sip of his orange juice. “Yeah, it’s a guy at work.”

 

“Not a lie…” Jace hummed, raising an eyebrow at him. “Interesting. Alec Lightwood has finally found a guy. Congrats bro.” In true Jace fashion, he raised a hand. Alec high fived it reluctantly. 

 

“We’re not together,” Alec said- which was also the truth. “I’m not sure what it is.” Also true. Magnus was… Magnus was an amazing person. At the start, he’d just wanted to get this man out of his terrible situation. But then Alec actually started enjoying their conversations. Obviously, there was always the underlying dilemma of helping Magnus get better, but when they were arguing about who was the best Beetle, or discussing Alec’s family, Alec found himself relaxing in a way that was very unusual for him. 

 

“Well, figure it out!” Izzy grinned, unaware of how complicated the actual situation was. “Come on, Alec. Is he cute? Are you into him? Is he into you?”

 

“Can we move on?” Alec said instead of answering, now a little uncomfortable. He hadn’t meant for all these questions to be asked. He didn’t actually want to work out what was going on. 

 

“Sure.” Rolling her eyes again, Izzy grabbed another piece of toast. “Simon’s got a gig in a couple of weeks, so you’ll both come to that?” The question was a little pointless; they’d always gone. Alec may not have been best friends with Simon when they’d first met, but the guy was an amazing husband to Alec’s little sister, and he actually was kind of cool, so he always wanted to support him. Plus, Izzy could be super scary. But now he found himself wanting to say no. What if Magnus needed him?

 

He needed to relax.

 

As if the universe wanted to remind Alec that it was impossible to relax, his phone started to ring. He sighed, tiredness rushing over him in waves already. Couldn’t he just have one morning to spend with Izzy and Jace? Couldn’t he have one morning to watch Jace obnoxiously sip orange juice really loudly just so Izzy got really annoyed? Alec let his phone ring.

 

“Not picking it up?” Izzy asked curiously. Alec shook his head, taking a bite of another piece of toast. It wouldn’t be anything important. And then it rang again. 

 

“Oh, for the love of-” Alec picked up his phone. “Yes?”

 

“Hi, Alec? It’s Noah, from work.” Alec furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. Why would Noah be calling? Yes, Alec had given him his number a couple of years ago when they’d gone out as a big group for drinks. (Not an experience he ever did again.) But they weren't exactly friends. “I, um, I- there was the guy on the phone asking for you.” His heart sank. It couldn’t be. Why was Noah sounding so upset? It couldn’t be what he knew deep in his bones was happening. “He wanted you to come around and help him save himself.”   
  


Magnus.

 

Oh- fuck.

 

Alec stood up, stumbling backward and sending his chair flying backward and onto the floor. In the distance, he could hear Izzy and Jace’s surprised voices ask him what was wrong. “Noah, what happened?” His voice was weaker than usual, broken up. Calm down, Lightwood. It may mean nothing. Perhaps Magnus was just feeling a little upset. It might not be as bad-

 

“He was saying he’d cut himself- Alec- I called the ambulance for him. But he wanted you?” He shoved on the first two shoes he could find. (One sandle, one trainer. Didn’t matter.) Izzy and Jace had stood up now, and their voices were louder and more concerned. Didn’t matter didn’t matter didn’t matter, just get to Magnus. Magnus had to be okay. Noah was telling Alec Magnus’ address, and he managed to write it down on an envelope, and then he was rushing out the door. 

 

Running down the stairs proved to be slightly difficult in odd shoes- and the one on his left foot was definitely meant for his right foot. But it didn’t matter. Mrs Whit’s startled gasp as Alec hurtled past her didn’t matter, the football Alec nearly tripped over didn’t matter, the shouting from his siblings didn’t matter. Magnus was dying, and Alec was not ready for this. He’d dreamt about this horrific thing happening, and he’d known then what he knew now: he wasn’t okay with living in a world without Magnus. 

 

His hands fumbled and he put his keys into his car and turned on the engine. When had he grabbed his keys? Not a problem Alec should concentrate on. Instead, he focused on his hands, steadying them. Breath. How? What had he told Magnus to do?

 

Oh- fuck. Magnus. 

 

Alec started driving. He kept to the speed limit, but barely, driving quickly along roads. He knew how to get to Magnus’ flat. A work colleague he’d had to drop home after that night at the pub lived close. It had been a while ago, but Alec remembered. (He was pretty sure he could do anything at that moment.)

 

The world around him had blurred into an inconsequential nothing. All that mattered was the road ahead of him, and the path to Magnus’ flat. He should have been thinking straight, he should have put on proper shoes, told his siblings what had happened, thought about what he was going to do when he got to Magnus’ place… but how could he? How could Alec think rationally when the man he’d been talking to for weeks was dying?

 

Tears started to blur his vision, and Alec quickly wiped them away. He concentrated on the road. He needed to focus. 

 

There. The flat. It hadn’t even taken that long to get there. Sure, Alec’s sense of time was currently distorted to the point where his feet seemed to be a second behind what he was seeing, so his body felt like it was lagging behind everything else, but even despite that it hadn’t been that long of a drive. A twenty-minute drive. That’s all that separated Magnus and Alec. All that time. 

 

He couldn’t park straight away because of the ambulance. And Alec didn’t like to think about the ambulance or the fact that there were people in uniform climbing out of the ambulance with equipment and serious faces, because he knew who that equipment was for. If the paramedics had serious faces, it must be bad, and Alec didn’t want it to be bad. He really, really, really, wanted Magnus to be okay. It was a primal feeling in his gut, clawing away.

 

In the end, he parked his car in some spot probably reserved for someone important and leaped out of the car. Everything still felt odd, out of time, but Alec lurched forward, feet hitting the sidewalk as he tumbled towards the tall block. It was getting nearer and nearer and yet… he was still so far away. 

 

Magnus, Magnus, Magnus. 

 

He ran past the paramedics. Part of him wanted to yell at them, demand to know why they were being so slow, but even as his entire body screamed at them, he still knew that they were Magnus’ only hope and they were going to try their best. Alec had to trust them.

 

And then… then he was there. At Magnus’ apartment. Time stopped. Everything froze. He’d… made it here… and now he had no clue what to do. Did he go into the apartment? Magnus was most likely in there, he could hear the voices of two paramedics, and the ones he’d passed on the stairwell what seemed like a lifetime ago were bringing equipment up. But, on the other hand, what could he do? He wasn’t trained for the physical side of things. He talked to people. 

 

But this was Magnus. So Alec took a deep breath, and stepped into the apartment. 

 

It was plain. The walls were plain, though there were a few random paintings hung on the wall. None that Magnus liked, he knew. Only Camille liked them. There wasn’t any mess, either. It was like a showroom. No dust, no clothes, no keys hastily put on the nearest surface. No sign of life. It was a perfect flat.

 

Until he looked to the right.

 

It was if his entire body shut down. His body moved, and Alec was looking at Magnus before he actually saw the man. It took Alec a full second to process the image in front of him and recognize it as real. Because there was no way…

 

On the phone, Magnus had sounded powerful. Yes, he’d stuttered, and his voice had cracked, and he’d whispered, and he’d struggled to breathe properly due to the weight of the world being on his chest. But Alec had still heard this man who was so fantastically brilliant, the universe simply couldn’t handle the magnificence of him. This soul was too pure and powerful, the world had to try and beat it into the mud, because otherwise, it would shine too brightly. But Magnus had been beaten into the ground, but he was still so bright and kind. He could laugh again, Alec just had to remind him. 

 

The universe had done it’s worst this time.

 

There was a man, slumped against a kitchen counter. On the hard floor beside him was a knife, and a phone. All three of them- the man, the knife, the phone- were covered in dark red blood. The man looked small; as if he’d been crushed of all happiness. His eyes were definitely closed, and his position seemed to suggest he’d been cowering away from something when he’d finally slipped into this state. Had it been Camille?

 

“I don’t know how it happened, sir,” A woman’s voice filtered into his ears, and Alec’s head snapped towards it. It wasn’t a paramedic, he’d known just from what she’d said, and that meant it was either Tessa, Catarina, or Camille. Since the voice was high pitched, and the lady had her lips drawn in a thin disapproving line, Alec took a guess. “I was just showering… I’m so worried. Will you be able to take him to the hospital soon? Only… then I can start cleaning the floor. The sooner it is cleared, the less likely it is to stain.”

 

“Shut up,” Alec said, anger filling him. Everything inside of him had been empty since the news of Magnus had caused everything to fall away, and now that empty space had been replaced with hatred. This was Camille. The person who’d wrecked Magnus’ confidence. “Just shut up, Camille. You don’t care. You probably were the exact reason why this happened.”

 

Her shocked face told Alec she wasn’t used to someone saying these things to her. Probably, she was the powerful bitch at the top of the social hierarchy in her area. But in this new setting, with Alec, she was nothing. Alec didn’t care about social hierarchy, or how much influence this woman had, she’d ruined a person’s life for three years. And she didn’t even care.

 

“You can’t say those kinds of things to me,” Camille shot back, standing up a little taller. Alec noticed that she was wearing only a towel. “I don’t know who the hell you are, but you can’t just come into my house and tell me this was my fault. What do you even know about my life? Nothing!”

 

“You care about the staining, and wanting to get it out, more than the fact this man is going to have to go into hospital.” Alec snarled, body heating up. He wasn’t going to mention anything about the phone calls to her if he didn’t have to, and he didn’t. In the five seconds Alec had known her, Camille had shown her true colours. “That is not the sign of someone who loved this man. But whatever. I’m not having this conversation.”

 

The paramedics glanced at him with raised eyebrows, obviously having overheard everything, and Alec quickly went over to crouch down by them. “I’m from the good samaritans,” he murmured. “Magnus has been calling in for weeks, and he’s often talked to me. I’ve been helping him. Can I talk to him… Will he hear me?” 

 

“Do,” the man said. “Comfort him. He should be able to hear you, and it would be good if we can get him to open his eyes. You have a few minutes, and then we’re taking him down to the ambulance.”

 

So Alec crouched in front of Magnus, staring at his beautiful face. And he was so beautiful. His face managed to captivate his soul perfectly. “Hey, Magnus. It’s me.” Nothing. Damn, god- damn. “Magnus? Please, please. I’m so sorry I wasn’t at work… I wish I could have been there.” Angrily, he wiped away the hot tears starting to run down his cheeks. He shouldn’t be crying right now. “Magnus, you need to open your eyes.”

 

A soft whine came from Magnus’ lips, and Alec froze. He was… well, he might not have been completely awake, but he had responded. And he could see the eyelids flutter, though not open. “Magnus, you need to open your eyes.” Another flutter. “Come on Magnus, open your eyes.” But it wasn’t going to happen, Alec could see that now. Magnus was trying, and soft whimpers were escaping the man, but nothing was happening. It was absolutely devastating to see him in so much distress, and he couldn’t help but reach out and softly place a hand on his shoulder. It was shaking.  

 

“I’m right here, Magnus.” What if he didn’t recognize Alec’s voice? “It’s Alec Lightwood, from the Samaritans.” His voice kept breaking, and he had to get it under control. He wasn’t the one incredibly hurt, here. Magnus was. And Magnus was scared. When Magnus was scared, or vulnerable, he called Alec, and Alec talked about his day. “You caused me quite a scare, Noah calling me at 8 am when I was having a late morning and eating breakfast with Isabelle.” And Jace, but Magnus loved hearing about Izzy, and not so much Jace.  “I came straight away, as did the paramedics. You’re going to survive, okay?”

 

Magnus nodded. It was a tiny, almost inconsequential movement, but hope soured up inside of Alec. He nodded, he responded. He could hear Alec. “Repeat that inside your head, okay?” Now he was going on pure instinct, heart beating too loudly. “I know you can’t speak right now, but convince yourself of that fact. You are going to survive.” Alec himself was repeating those words to himself. Magnus was going to survive. Magnus was going to survive. He was concentrating on the words so hard, he almost missed Magnus opening his eyes.

 

They were beautiful. He knew he had to concentrate on talking to Magnus, making sure the man didn’t freak out and making sure he knew he was safe… but Alec had never seen eyes so beautiful. They were green, and blue, and yellow, and there were somehow specks of red? His heart stuttered to a near standstill. Deep within them, there was this eternal flame, as well, that burned so fiercely that Alec couldn’t look away. 

 

“Your hair is black.” His voice was surprised, and a little more broken up than usual, but there it was. It felt so familiar Alec felt a wave of relief wash over him. His voice… Magnus’ voice somehow grounded him. “It’s hot. I’ve literally been talking to a sex god.” And now apparently Magnus was rambling. Feeling his face heat up, Alec tried to keep down the nervous laughter bubbling in his throat. This was awkward now, and Alec was realizing that this was the first time they’d met, and it was becoming weird- which was stupid. Stupid, because this wasn’t about Alec at all. This was about Magnus. 

 

“You’re going to be fine, Magnus,” Alec said calmly, trying desperately to salvage the situation. He smiled, remembering to breathe in and out evenly. Magnus’ eyelids were fluttering again, but Alec tried not to panic. The paramedics had the stretcher out, and if Alec listened to their fast talking he could make out something about moving Magnus. It was going to be fine. 

 

“I don’t want to die.” 

 

Alec’s heart broke into a thousand little pieces. Magnus was so strong. And yet, here he was, eyes closing again and tears starting to fall.  Now he was scared, frightened of the world instead of ready to take it on. How could have it come to this? 

 

The paramedics were moving him, and Alec stood up. His thoughts were racing too fast for him to catch any of them and be able to say a single sentence; all he could concentrate on was making sure they didn’t jostle him too much. They were gentle- of course they were gentle- but Alec kept close.

 

“So live,” Alec said, as they started moving the stretcher. “Live for yourself, Magnus.”

 

He didn’t respond. His eyes were completely closed, and his arm was limp. If it weren’t for the steady rise and fall of Magnus’ chest Alec would have probably collapsed from worry, but as it was he could keep walking. Barely. It was as if all his thoughts had been scrambled into a mess of worries and thoughts and plans- and now Alec had to try and make sense of it all while also not letting Magnus out of his sight.

 

“I’m coming with him, in the ambulance,” Alec said out loud. The paramedics looked at him, nodded, and then turned back to the stairs. He noticed as he walked with them, that there wasn’t anyone else asking to come in the ambulance. Camille apparently had decided to not even try and confront Alec, or manipulate Magnus anymore. It was a relief; Alec didn’t want to have to confront her right now. Later he would happily yell at her, or get her to be punished for what she did to Magnus, but now was not the time. 

 

Now, Alec was here to look after Magnus. And hopefully, hopefully be there when he woke up.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys :)
> 
> Here we are- Alec's POV! You all responded so positively to the idea of me writing this that I was inspired to do it straight away. And then I decided I'd post it today, to break up the weekly wait in between chapters.
> 
> Tell me in the comments if you liked it <3
> 
> Also, tell me if there are any chapters you want me to also write from Alec's POV as well. The main story will remain in Magnus' POV all the way until the end, but I'd be happy to do extra side fics like this one if you wanted.
> 
> Go follow my instagram- @therapyfornerds


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